What if God had created special needs kids without unconditional love?
I have been pondering this question all week as I have been going about the daily care of Benny.
What if every morning when Benny insists on a bubble bath at 5:30 am, he would complain. What if he would yell that the water isn’t the correct temperature, or that there are too many bubbles. Not enough bubbles? What if he wouldn’t laugh and kick with pure glee all those mornings, letting us know that there is joy in a bubble bath at this unearthly hour?
What if Benny wouldn’t get ultimate joy from hearing the coffee grinder get those beans just right and to hopefully get Mom to smile? What if he wouldn’t come scooting on his little tush as fast as possible to “help” with said beans and laugh boisterously when we let him press the button? Every morning. What if Benny was sad and unhappy?
What if when I push yet another meal through Benny’s feeding tube, I wouldn’t get the heart-melting opportunity to stop and look into his pure eyes. What if he wouldn’t tell me with his soul that he loves me all those times. What if his eyes told me to get away from him, that he has more important things to do than sit in front of Mom, Dad, or his sisters. What if he told us impatiently to hurry up so he could run off with his peers. What if Benny was ungrateful?
What if when we change that big boy diaper, he would not laugh and thank us with his love? What if after each change he would tell me to stop tickling him or that I should not kiss him so? What if he would push me away instead of showering me with love and goodness despite the awful mess he just made for me, even while I am clouding the room with hefty doses of air freshener!
What if, as one by one his family members return home from work, he wouldn’t come with an overjoyed giggle of welcome? What if his skinny little arms didn’t wrap themselves around us, telling us, “Welcome home, I am so glad you are back?” What if we would be greeted with indifference or disdain? What if he kept right on doing what he was and not even look up? Would we know he loves us? No.
What if he wouldn’t burst with pure happiness and rest in the evening when he persuades an adult to snuggle in bed with him until he is safely asleep? What if we never took the time to watch his innocence as he drifts off. Oh so precious.
God in his wisdom made children like our Benny with a special kind of love inside. Benny beats all I ever knew about loving someone and being loved in return. Is Benny perfect? Is he always happy and loving? No. He has some real humdinger fits at times. But one thing always rings through clear as a bell. Benny always loves us. No matter what. I am forever grateful for this love. Some days, it’s the only thing that gets us through.
Then I thought to myself,
What if I would get up every morning, joyful and happy to see my family, just like Benny? Gulp!
What would happen if I smiled as I made coffee? I bet them coffee beans would perk right up and possibly magically turn into an espresso shot!
What do my eyes tell my loved ones throughout the day when I become impatient or ungrateful?
Do my loved ones even know I am glad when they come home from work?
What if I loved unconditionally like Benny does?
