I am so beyond excited to announce this book about my amazing son, Benny! He beats everything I know about loving another person and then being loved in return by his pure, unselfish unconditional love.
Have you ever observed a special needs family and wondered how they ever survive? Have you thought that you could never do what they do? How about sitting in front of a medical team, hearing the words, “Your baby is not okay?”
I used to wonder all the above. I thought about how awful their life must be, and how thankful I was that it wasn’t me. The short bus always terrified me and I hoped I would never have a child on it. I often wondered at the fact that I had yet another baby and it was okay.
In this book, you will learn each and every emotion whether good or bad, hilarious or ugly, joyful or angry as we travel this treacherous path we call “the special needs trail.” You will hold our hand as we listen to the doctors make a list the size of Moses scroll of things “wrong” with our Benny.
I wrote this book so that others may get a glimpse of our life as special needs parents, and so they may better know the amazing love of a child created with such purity that only good comes out. That is when he isn’t having a meltdown, creating a world so chaotic and exhausting that it feels like we are running a marathon. I also wrote out of the sheer desperation of feeling unheard and misunderstood. And also because I just love to write. When I write, I feel heard and understood. I am able to put my feelings into words better on paper than in person.
This book starts out with my Amish cap strings flapping in the breeze as we go clip-clopping in our horse and buggy on the gravel roads towards home. It takes me to the ice skating pond on a frosty winter evening where I met my husband, Maynard, and then on to the births of our five daughters, one being our stillborn baby, Sara, and finally our son Benny. In raw detail, I invite everyone to join in as we are born into a brand new life where a little boy named Benny becomes our master teacher.
The little Amish girl I used to be…
The frisky brown horse seemed to fly down the dusty gravel road as I gazed up at the starry night sky. With cap strings flapping in the breeze, my eight-year-old self-was oblivious to the fact that we were sitting solidly behind one of the most down to earth, lowly, standardbred plugs in horse history. Star was a stubborn, but safe, horse. His mane seemed to flow in the breeze, as we slowly clopped across the rugged miles. We were on our way home from visiting Grandpas at their beautiful farm in the country…
Meeting my husband…
…One cold winter evening, when I was 17 years old, my brother and I made our way to a tiny neighboring village with a large ice skating pond where all the young people came together to glide across the ice and make eyes at each other. I looked across the sheet of frozen water and there he was in all his glory. My knight in shining armor was making eyes and smiling at me!
Four girls were born to us…
We started dating and got married three years later. In our dreams we would be perfect and live happily ever after, never falling out of love, and we were going to have a few really cute, awesome, funny, blond haired, blue eyed little human beings coming along behind us, in our very own make and model…
Our angel baby, Sara…
…“Something is wrong. I’m so sorry, but I can’t find a heartbeat.”
“No heartbeat?” I faltered. Feeling faint, I collapsed back on the pillow. Despair and hopelessness washed over me like never before…
A boy child is born…
…“It’s a boy!”
“It’s a boy? Praise the Lord!” Maynard was ecstatic and could hardly contain the excitement wanting to explode from his heart. “I can’t believe it’s a boy!”
Your baby is not okay…
…“Your baby is not okay.”
I couldn’t breathe. The blood rushing through my ears was like water from a broken dam, pounding its way through my wildly beating heart and lungs at terrifying speeds. My world came crashing down like the twin towers at the severe impact from the massive jetliners. Where was God? Why would he do this to me? I wanted to cover my face with my quivering hands, tie my shoes, run away to hide from the doctor, or even get a root canal done. Anything would be better than to sit here, face to face, and be told this overwhelming news…
It’s a wrap!
There you have it. I hope you are inspired and encouraged by the life of our dear Benny as you get to know him through the pages of this book!
I praise you because I am fearfully and wonderfully made;
your works are wonderful,
I know that full well.
Psalm 139:14
