The Saturday Morning Confessions of a Special Needs Mom. “You’re such a good mommy.” “You’re super mom.” “Benny is so blessed to have a mommy like you.” I hear this often and it blesses me so much. How do I respond? “Yes, I know. Thank you very much for noticing?” No, of course not! While it makes me feel good, and I know in my heart that I try my best, I also know the times when my own wants and needs rise up and desire to be served first. Like this morning. Hi-Ho to Bob Evans We Go! As...
In my previous life, I was a cleaning fanatic. Does this mean I believe in reincarnation? Heavens, no! Not even close. When I use the term “previous life”, this is what I’m talking about: Previous life: Before Benny. Current life: Anything after Benny! This is how I think of my life. I have been pondering why I look at my life as before and after Benny, but then I realized that it is probably because my fight completely changed after Benny. How I used to fight. Here is a peek into my previous life and what I fought for on...
Dear mom of a special needs child, Good Monday morning as you begin yet another week caring for a most precious child! I see you there, coming away from the weekend. I see a shadow of discontent momentarily come across your eyes as you shove that bolus feed through your child’s feeding tube. I see how it appears that other’s lives keep right on going and you get left behind and choking from the clouds of dust billowing from their heels. I get it. Perhaps you heard of others reaching out to that person you would love to minister to as...
19 years ago today, my heart was shattered into a million tiny pieces. I allowed my mind to travel back in time to that unbelievable moment when we found out that our baby had already died just prior to birth. I remembered the stillness of the moment right after birth and how even along with great sorrow there was an unexplainable joy as well. Not a joyful shout of praise, but a quiet reverence and an overwhelming feeling of being loved by God. Our little Sara never breathed even one tiny breath on this earth. She went straight into the...
Benny Is My Alarm Clock. This morning, before the crack of dawn, in advance of any smiling abilities on my part, our Benny was up. I mean, whoever heard of not being in the tub at 5:30 a.m. splashing in the bath water his daddy cheerfully (true story, cheerfully) fixed for him. I noticed that Benny seemed extra boisterous, as a glob of water landed squarely on my nice warm fuzzy socks. My fuzzy socks were not yet awake and did not appreciate being so rudely awakened. I grabbed a bottle of Young Living Lavender Oil and landed a few...
This morning I was tempted to throw in the towel. I mean for real. I just wanted to give up on life. Was it because of a fresh snowfall when instead I desired spring weather? No, no, no. The snow is pristine. Did Benny give me a hard time? No, he was actually amazingly good this morning! Benny didn’t even get upset when the girls all left for work. Thanks to chamomile tea via the feeding tube, and calming oils from Young Living. (Frankincense, Lavender & Stress Away.) Maybe the great and terrible Influenza A came to perch on my...
Benny loves his daddy. Daddy is the place where rainbows appear. It is where the sun rises and sets in vibrant colors of pure joy. Beside Daddy is where laughter abounds, where all things are warm and fuzzy, and where Benny’s little heart is completely fulfilled. So when Daddy leaves his side and goes up to preach, guess what? “Benny no likey!” This is Benny’s cue to try everything under the sun to get himself up there beside Daddy. So yesterday at church, not only did Daddy get up to preach, but the person sitting in front of us got...
The Dream of Lizbet What in the world is a “Lizbet”? Lizbet is not an it. Lizbet is a name! In Pennslyvania Dutch, this is a nickname for Elizabeth. It so happens that this certain Lizbet is my mother-in-law, and also that she is an amazing cook. My mother-in-law has had this dream for as long as I have known her. To publish her very own cookbook. After all, if one is the best Amish cook in the country, one should probably have their own cookbook! In April of 2007, she hailed her 6 daughters, all of whom cook just...
Tonight I decided I would have me a sugar cheat the size of Goliath of Gath himself. This means the cheat was off the charts in more ways than one. I knew the sugar spike would take at least two cups of coffee to level things out. But that’s okay. I love coffee. I also surmised that I would likely feel a twinge of guilt, but my heritage was calling out for chicken noodle soup, homemade bread, and of all things, it kept screaming and yelling at me to make Amish Peanut Butter. How Can Peanut Butter Be Amish? I...
My Amish Dresses I grew up wearing all hand sewn Amish dresses. I was third in line having two older sisters, so I got a lot of hand me downs, but my mom also made sure we got new dresses. (I don’t know how she managed this with five kids in five years except that she is a wonder woman.) When I turned 14, I had learned to sew all my own dresses. This gave me a little more freedom to add extras. I pushed the line as far as it would go, always wanting to add that extra forbidden...
